there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
