i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
