Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
