1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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