After last night, I could never be a politician.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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