So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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