you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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