So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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