How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
