Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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