Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
