you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
