so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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