Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
