I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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