Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
