Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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