So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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