halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
