So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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