I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you never un-have a 4some
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
