yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
