she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
