you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
