and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
