I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
