I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
