I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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