the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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