I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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