Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
