I faked an abortion last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
