Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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