woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
