i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
