why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
