It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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