If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
