I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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