Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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