Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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