I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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