Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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