just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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