i think my mom watched the whole time
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
