just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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