Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
