And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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