It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
