you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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