awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
